Artemis Fowl Songs
by randomosity4arty
Summary: Artemis Fowl Parodies! Come and read them, please. I wrote parodies to songs I know and like for Artemis Fowl, I stink at summaries so please cut me some slack. Rated K plus 'cause I'm paranoid, no bad language.
1. Holly Short is on Fire

**I decided I wanted to do some parodies to songs for Artemis Fowl. This is my first fanfic, so please don't give to many harsh comments.**

**Disclaimer: I do wish I owned Mr Fowl, but Eoin Colfer does. And Alicia Keys owns "Girl on Fire"**

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**She's a LEP and she's on fire, hotter than a magma flare and smarter than a pixie**

**She's living underground and it's on fire, feeling the catastrophe but she knows she can save the day**

**Oh, she's got both feet on the ground and she's taking them down**

**Oh, she lost her weapon in mist so she using her fist (on those stupid goblins)**

**Holly Short is on fire, Holly Short is on fire, **

**She's taking Koboi down, Holly Short is on fire**

**Looks like a child but she's an elf, so fierce she can burn your eyes better look the other way. You can try but you'll never forget her name. She's on top of the world, first ever recon girl.**

**Oh, she's got both feet on the ground and she's taking them down**

**Oh, she lost her weapon in mist so she using her fist (on the Russian Mafia)**

**Holly Short is on fire, Holly Short is on fire, **

**She's bringing Fowl Senior back, Holly Short is on fire**

**Everyone stands as she goes by clapping and saying look at her fly and light up the sky. And Artemis Fowl is her friend and with his brains there is no end to his sarcasm, sarcasm**

**Holly Short is on fire, Holly Short is on fire, **

**She's taking them down, Holly Short is on fire**

**Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, O**

**Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh,**

**She's just an elf but she's on fire **


	2. You are my Arty

**Hi, **

**Here is my next chapter. It is "You are my Arty" tune to "You are my sunshine, my friend came up with the idea, and I wrote the song. This chapter is dedicated to GreatReader3. She has some pretty awesome stories. By the way, it might not be very good. Virtual cookies are given to anyone who reviews. This is sorta a romance song, but not that much, I always was amused at the thought of Holly, Juliet, and Minerva fighting over Artemis. Check out IzztreeRocks912, some of her songs are co written by her, and some of mine by her. I bet she would really appreciate it. Spoiler for the 6th book, not major to the plot, but still.**

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**Minerva's POV**

You are my Arty, my smarty Arty

You sacrificed a demon for me

Others won't know how smart you are

'Cause your IQ will scare them

**Juliet's POV**

You are my Arty, my little Arty

You are so cute when you can't do a pushup

You'll never know dear how eager I am

To teach you some Kong-fu

**Holly's POV**

You are my Arty, my human Arty

You saved the world like 7 times

You'll never know dear that I don't

regret kissing you

**Opal's POV (don't worry in my world and probably yours too, Opal is EVIL)**

I hate you Arty, I hate you Arty

I want to cut off your head

You'll never know "dear" how much I hate you

Because I will kill you first

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**So, how did I do? Please review**

**Arty: If you review I will give you my wretched "Randomosity" shirt**

**Angeline: Don't you dare give away that shirt Artemis Fowl. *Very cheerful voice* But still, please review.**

**Arty: Talk about mood swings**

**Angeline:What was that?**

**Artemis:*gulp***


	3. Play

**I'm currently working on another parody, and thought in the mean time I could show you my Artemis Fowl play. Once again, my friend came up with the root, for this story. (Ha ha "root"). S anyway, I might be putting some plays, but not many. :) I wrote this before I read The Lost Colony. So to you MinervaXArtemis fans, sorry, but I'm HollyXArtemis.**

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Kiss Me I'm Irish

Scene 1: Holly and Juliet (not what you think, don't be disgusting)

**A-Arty**

**H-Holly**

**T- Trouble  
**

**J-Juliet**

**B-Butler**

**M-Mulch**

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A- HOLLY, PLEASE COME HERE A MOMENT

H-YES?

A-KISS ME I'M IRISH

H- WHAT IN THE NAME OF FROND IS WRONG WITH YOU MUDBOY!?

A-NOTHING

H-WELL IF YOU INSIST

*HOLLY LEANS IN*

*JULIET WALKS IN WITH A CARROT GRINDER*

J- HOLLY SHORT! WHAT THE HECK! I'M WRECKING MY NAILS ON THIS CARROT GRINDER AND YOU'RE DOING THAT?

*JULIET WALKS OUT, AGITATED*

SCENE 2: POSSIBLY JEALOUS TROUBLE AND QUOTING MULCH

A- WHERE WERE WE?

H- WELL IF YOU INSIST

*HOLLY LEANS IN (FOR THE 2ND TIME)*

*TROUBLE AND MULCH WALK IN*

T- CAPTAIN SHORT! WHAT IN THE NAME OF FROND ARE YOU DOING WITH _HIM?!_

M- YEAH, WHAT KIND OF WEIRDO WOULD KISS SOMEONE OUT OF THEIR SPECIES?

A- WE DIDN'T-

T- YOU WERE ABOUT TO!

H- BUT YOU JUST _HAD_ TO INTERRUPT. AND WHY DO YOU CARE?

T- UMMMM *BLUSHES*

A- I GUESS I'LL GO ASK JULIET, THEN

*WALKS OUT*

SCENE 3: JULIET AND INNOCENT BUTLER

A- JULIET!

J- YES ARTY?

A- DON'T CALL ME THAT

J- I DIDN'T CALL YOU "THAT", I CALLED YOU ARTY

A- ANYWAY, KISS ME I'M IRISH

J- OKAY, IRISH DUDE

*JULIET LEANS IN*

*BUTLER WALKS IN*

NARRATOR- NOW WHEN MR. BUTLER WALKED INTO THE SIGHT BEFORE HIM, HE WAS INNOCENT, WELL MAYBE NOT ENTIRELY BUT AT THE MOMENT YES HE WAS. HE ONLY WANTED A SANDWICH, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? HE THOUGHT TO HIM SELF. BUT ALL HE SAID WAS...

B- WRONG TIME SIR?

J- OBVIOUSLY DOM! I WAS ABOUT TO KISS ARTY

B- ALSO KNOWN AS MY EMPLOYER AND SOMEONE TO PROTECT

J- SO I'M A THREAT?!

*JULIET AND BUTLER BICKERING*

A- I THINK I'LL SETTLE TO AN APRON

J- ARTEMIS FOWL WEARING AN APRON, WHAT A SIGHT TO SEE!

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**How was that? Sorry for out of characterness. **

**Please review, virtual blue cookie to anyone who reviews  
**

**Percy Jackson: I want a blue cookie**

**Me: Too bad**

**Percy: Awww**


	4. Artemis Fowl

**I did a report on Peggy Lee for school, and decided that this song fits him. I dont own Arty or the song "Big Spender". In Minerva's POV. Spoilers for 5th book. Dedicated to IzztreeRocks912.**

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The minute you walked in the restaurant

**A/N: They met in a restaurant**  
I could see you were an Irish smarty  
A real big spender  
Good looking, so refined  
Wouldn't you like to know where the demon's heading next?

So let me get right to the point  
I am not impressed with every guy I see  
Artemis Fowl  
spend a little time with me

Do you wanna have tea, tea, tea...?  
How's about a few laughs, lauhgs, laughs...?  
I can show you a good time, good time.

The minute you walked in the restaurant  
I could see you were a Irish smarty  
A real big spender  
Good looking, so refined  
Wouldn't you like to know where the demon's heading next?

So let me get right to the point  
I am not impressed with every guy I see  
Artemis Fowl

Artemis Fowl

Artemis Fowl

Spend a little time with me

**Please review, I want 10 at least. Please.**


	5. Ar Ar Artemis

**My friend came up with 2 sentences of this song, or basically the root. She had Rasputin stuck in her head (she own Just Dance 2), so she altered the lyrics and I wrote the rest. By the way, this is kinda HollyxArtemis.**

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There lived a certain boy in Dublin not long ago  
He was smart and rich, with eyes a piercing glow  
Most people looked at him with terror and with fear  
But to a Haven girl he was such a lovely dear  
He could hack anything like a hacker  
and steal a few million pounds  
But he also was no the kind of slacker  
for he got things done

AR AR ARTEMIS  
Lover of the recon queen  
There was siege that really went wrong  
HO HO HOLLY SHORT  
She fell in love with Artemis  
It was a shame said Captain Kelp

He ruled the Fowl Empire and never mind father

But to the L.E.P, he was threat number 1  
In all affairs of state he was the man to please  
But he was real great when he had a lemur to sell

For Ms. Holly he was no raving killer  
Though she'd heard the things he'd done  
She believed he was lovely mud boy  
But the fairies disagreed

"This man's just got to go!" declared Ms. Koboi  
But Holly begged "Don't you try to do it, please"  
No doubt this Mr. Fowl had lots of hidden charms  
Though didn't know they just fell into his arms  
Then one year Opal was put into a coma  
She set a trap, for revenge  
"He'll have to save the world again"  
And he really did

AR AR ARTEMIS

Lover of the recon queen

Opal tried to kill his family  
HO HO HOLLY SHORT  
She fell in love with Artemis  
She helped him save the world

AR AR ARTEMIS  
Lover of the recon queen  
She didn't quit, she wanted his head  
HO HO HOLLY SHORT  
She fell in love with Artemis  
She shot Opal till she was dead


	6. Author's note

**I am so sorry, I haven't been updating. Writing parodies takes time, and I am low on songs to make parodies to. So please, if you have a good song for a parody, either in a review tell me a song or PM me. If I do use your song I will dedicate the chapter to you. **

**Sorry for the delay.**


	7. Butler the baking cannibal

**I'm so sorry for not updating. **

**So this actually based on a tongue twister, that I had stuck in my head one day. I told my friends and then made a parody, it isn't exactly a tongue twister per 912 and my friend S, helped me come up with this.**

**In case you don't know:Original tongue twister, at least how I learned it**

_**Betty**__**bought a bit of butter "Oh" she said, "this butter's bitter, if I use this bitter butter, it will make my batter bitter. I need a bit of better butter just to make my batter better. Betty bought a bit of better butter, now Betty's batter isn't bitter.**_

**Now for the parody, you going to have to use your imagination, let's imagine Butler is a cannibal, and likes to bake. And let's imagine he is making a pie, and calls Arty,(wink wink IzztreeRock912), to help him.**

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Butler bought a bit of butter, "Oh" he said in his very deep voice, "this butter's bitter, if I use this bitter butter, it will make my batter bitter. I need the little Arty boy, just to make my batter better." So Butler dragged Arty, (from the library where he was reading the dictionary, Frond knows why), and stuffed him in a now intellectual pie.

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**I know it isn't long but please forgive me. Please review, I would like it very much, I try to reply to all my reviewers.**


	8. Arty you belong with Holly!

**Hey, I am so sorry for the wait. I had major parody writers block. And I recently had a Taylor Swift song obsession. And the result is this! I have now realized that I specialize in romance, huh. Thank you for all the reviews. By the way, this goes out to all the Minerva haters! Sorry IzztreeRocks912.**

**Disclaimer**

**Me: Holly please do the disclaimer**

**Holly: Ask Minerva**

**Minerva: randomosity4arty doesnt own me! Yay!**

**Me: D'arvit! Imagine what I could do to Minerva if I did *grins evilly***

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** Holly's POV**

You're on the phone with your Minerva, she's upset  
She's going off about something that you said  
'Cause she doesn't get your humor like I do

I'm at work it's a typical boring day

And Root's yelling at officers away

And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear jumpsuits

She's Chess champion and I'm in LEPrecon  
Waiting for the day when you wake up and find  
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
Been through all your life, so why can't you see?  
Arty, you belong with me, you belong with me

Walking the streets with you and your expensive suits

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be  
Laughing in a magma chute, thinking to myself  
Hey, isn't this easy?

And you've got the smarts to save the entire world  
I haven't seen it in a while since she one up-ed you  
You say you're fine, I know you better than that  
Hey, what ya doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear combat's  
She's Chess chapion and I'm in LEPrecon  
Waiting for the day when you wake up and find  
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
Been through all your life, so why can't you see?  
Arty, you belong with me

Standing by and waiting for Koboi  
All this time how could you not know?  
Arty, you belong with me, you belong with me

Oh, I remember you callinbg me in the middle of the night  
I'm the one who makes you laugh whenthe world's 'bout to end  
And I know your favorite things and you tell me 'bout your dreams  
Think I know where you belong, think I know it's with me

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
Been through all your life, so why can't you see?  
Arty, you belong with me

Standing by and waiting for Koboi  
All this time, how could you not know?  
Arty, you belong with me, you belong with me

You belong with me  
Have you ever thought just maybe  
You belong with me?  
You belong with me

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**So what did you think? Please review and follow. Also, I want to know, what is your favorite character, and moment, of the Artemis Fowl series. Also school is starting soon, so updates may be slow.  
**

**Bye,**

**randomosity4arty**


	9. H-H-H-Holly

Just remembered that I had this up my sleeve. It is really short

BTW, I don't own anything *Sobs*

Tune to K-K-Katy (Civil war song...I think) If not correct me in a review

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_H-H-H-Holly, beautiful Holly,_

_You're the only e-e-e-elf l that I adore;_

_When the m-m-m-moon shines,_

_Over the oak tree,_

_I'll be waiting to k-k-k-kidnap you_

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I know it is pathetic, but I like the song, the original one that is.

And I know Arty doesn't stutter, but when it comes to Holly he does! deal with it. Please review, and tell me your favorite book series. Im in desperate need of a good book. Once I finish Alex Rider and the Kane Chronicles

Bye,

randomosity4arty


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